Friday, July 2, 2010

A Brief Tirade About Sports

Let me begin by telling you an important thing about me: If there's one thing I hate more than camping, it's sports. I'm not biased about it - I hate all sports equally. That said, I will go to sporting events (since there's generally beer and camaraderie involved) and I never pass up a superbowl party (because there's generally beer, camaraderie, and food involved).

But sports, in and of themselves - I don't care and am generally oblivious to it all. I would not have even known the World Cup was going on if Webkinz World hadn't launched a new soccer game that is only available until the World Cup ends.

Until today.

If you've been paying attention, and I know you have, then you probably remember that my ex-husband is Dutch - not by ancestry, but he in fact came from, and ultimately returned to, the nation of Holland, after deciding that life there was better than life here, in the good old US of A. I never knew how patriotic I really was until I spent several years listening to someone from somewhere else find endless fault with my own imperfect, but wonderful country.

I try not to dwell on this, mostly because my daughter is half Dutch and I consider her to be a pretty awesome apology.

But I do allow myself small, petty thoughts from time to time, one of which is this: Every time the Dutch get taken out of the World Cup, I smile. When they don't win the European Championship, that's fun too; but, I know one or two things about sports*  - and when it comes to soccer, the World Cup is what it's all about. I don't go looking for this news - it comes to me, mostly from friends who like sports and like me and continue to hold a grudge on my behalf.

You have to root for someone, I'm told, and this seems like a reasonable way to pick teams, at least to me. One of my former coworkers once won the office football pool by choosing all the teams with animal names - also a valid strategy, and one I applaud, mostly because she was so surprised and thrilled that she bought me lunch with her winnings.

If you haven't been following the sports news (and I can fully understand why you wouldn't), then you might not have heard today's big news: The Netherlands beat heavy favorite Brazil in the World Cup quarterfinals.

Now according to Time, it isn't so much that Team Orange won, as that Brazil lost. And although it's comforting to think this might be true, and even more comforting to know that there's at least one other blogger out there who's as peeved about this as I am, the fact remains Brazil must have lost for some reason, and since this is obviously all about me, I'm wondering what exactly I did to offend the fine nation of Brazil so gravely.

Was it the cool orange handbag I bought in New York? Or the cool orange nailpolish I got at yesterday's manicure? Brazil, they meant nothing to me. I'm sorry. Please accept my apology, and then I'll accept yours.

Who am I kidding? No I won't. The sun hasn't been seen in Seattle since last November, which is making for some mighty sour grapes in this part of the world.

But fear not, dear reader, I have a plan: When they announce who's playing the Netherlands in the semi-finals, I'm going to go out and buy that country's exports** like they're going out of style. I'll get my nails done in one of their national colors.

I draw the line at face painting, though.

*Literally, one or two things.
**Please, please let it be Italy. I need another handbag.


  1. LOL! You rock on so many levels Jessica!!

  2. I am a HUGE soccer fan and HUGE Netherlands fan (Dutch by heritage) so I was totally screaming at the television during that entire game. I scared my dog, she ran and hid in the bathroom. Needless to say I'm very pumped.

  3. Speaking as one of the grudge holders, I'd say you owe the Spanish a debt of gratitude! You might want to start at La Cartuja de Sevilla -- I've been coveting their Bellavista china. But if you really need a handbag, there's always Balenciaga!


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